One missing equals missing two

Granddad, Nana and me 1984

Nana and Granddad

My Granddad passed away 1998 and for the past 13 yrs I have called my Nana on the 9th of October to let her know I love her and was thinking of her and Granddad, who's birthday is the 9th. This year She celebrates his birthday with him. And though this should make me happy I find myself very sad that I can't call her and hear her voice and talk about all of our wonderful memories.  This somehow feels like I've lost my granddad all over again and my nana! I miss them both dearly but am thankful they are finally reunited in heaven!!  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDDAD!

I desire a new look!

One thing I enjoy about "blogging" is the ability to change my design to add my personality to my page. I also enjoy looking at others pages and there "personality". Though I have to admit I am not the most computer savvy and not exactly sure how to get other designs then the ones offered on blogger.  I would love to know how you all do it. Please let me know .... the more input the better.
Thank you! 

Slamming the door of opportunity

Things are .... going here. Ezra is getting so big it absolutely amazes me how fast he has grown and how much he is constantly learning. Just a year ago he was so small and depended on me every step of the way. Now he is practically independent! Motherhood is such an unspeakable blessing. I wish all of life could be as fulfilling and enjoyable. 

Fallon has proven to be a difficult place to live and work, the culture here is unreal. And I have had a very hard time focusing on what is important. I have become so numb to life here. I have never liked it here and therefore closed down and become very selfish. Work is very difficult emotionally and spiritually for me. And now I feel completely guilt ridden. I have let these little annoyance hinder me and subtract from what I have always felt was my God given calling - to help people. 

This week I dealt with (blew off is more like it) a young girl who wishes to terminate her pregnancy. I was stunned when I first spoke with her, it caught me completely off guard. I asked if she would like to see ob/gyn for further information she stated no she just wanted to go to planned parenthood and "take care of it". She came in again today w/ questions, not wanting to confront the issue I took her to our clinical manager to have her questions answered. Tonight when I got home all I can think about is that she is making an uneducated decision and has no idea what she is about to go through physically, and emotionally and I didn't tell her. I didn't even ask if she has thought about adoption or why she might feel this is her only option. I failed first as a christian and second has a nurse ... 

The most disturbing part is that God gave me the opportunity twice to speak with her and both times I slammed the door shut and now I have locked myself out and have no way of getting back in. 

Watching Ezra grow.

A lot has happened since Ezra's birthday. Nana (Kathy Hopkins) came for a visit over the memorial day weekend. During this time Ezra finally let go of the ottoman he has been pushing around for the last 3 months and took his own steps.

He picked up on this quickly and went from one - two steps to walking clear across the room in just a couple of days. He now can walk with us across the street and to the play ground. With Ezra's new found walking feet we had to find him some walking shoes. He has just received his first pair of all star converses ... which he loves! Ezra will bring me his shoes while saying "sho, sho" and smashing them to his feet.



Ezra is also working very hard on table manners. He is learning to put his sippy (cup) on the table and not throw it down after every sip. He is also learning to signal "all done" and place is plate on the table rather then throw handfuls of food on the ground when he is full.
I stand in awe when I look at him and see how quickly he learns. He learns something new everyday. He is also learning to display his affection, which is probably my favorite. While rocking he'll lay his head on my shoulder but occasionally pop up with a smile and a kiss.

Happy Birthday to my Baby

It is so hard to believe that a year has flown by. I feel like just yesterday I was holding my precious baby for the first time -- felling like I wouldn't ever be able to get enough of him.  I still feel that way, I can't hug him, hold him or kiss him enough! This year has passed so quickly and now I look my toddler in the face and not my infant.

I praise God for such a wonderful blessing in my life. I have never smiled and laughed so much before! He has brought a completion to our family that I would have never thought possible. I also thank God for his hand of protection over us this past year. Starting with labour and delivery, which weren't as easy and natural as i had hoped it would be. We have also done a lot of traveling this past year - a trip to Wyoming in Sept, San Diego and Pa for christmas, and again to Wyoming in April. So it is easy to see why I am thankful and how much I truly have to be thankful for!

I look forward to another amazing year knowing Ezra will grow in so many more ways! And I pray he will become "a man after God's own heart".

April showers bring May flowers

April proved to be an extremely difficult month for myself.

My Nana (great grandma) fell ill with a flair up from a chronic condition.  I was sure that my Nana, being the strongest woman I know, would be able to over come this acute illness and spend many more wonderful years in my life. It's not easy for me to say, but God wanted her home with him and she wanted the same. Her body shut down and quit trying to fight infection. She asked to be moved home where she wanted to slip into God's presence peacefully.
I was blessed to have the opportunity to fly home and see my Nana and introduce her to Ezra my son for the first and only time.  We were able to speak for a few moments and she was thrilled to meet her "big boy" and got to tell him she LOVED him. I was able to see her again at home sleeping peacefully I held her warm hands and told her I loved her.  She was accepted into heaven April 21st. 2011.
The thought of not having her to confide in and share all my exciting news of being a new mom breaks my heart. But knowing that she will wait for us in Heaven with my Granddad gives me great peace.

Moving into May the sun has pushed its ray's through my dark clouds. It is this month that we celebrate Ezra's life and look back on this last year to see how much he as grown and seeing God's hand of protection over his life. I am elated to hear the new words come out of his mouth and it excites me to watch him attempt to walk.  I can't put into words the way he has changed my life making it no longer my own to be selfish with. I have grown finding out how to be a parent and I still have 17 years of training that I look forward to!