Things are .... going here. Ezra is getting so big it absolutely amazes me how fast he has grown and how much he is constantly learning. Just a year ago he was so small and depended on me every step of the way. Now he is practically independent! Motherhood is such an unspeakable blessing. I wish all of life could be as fulfilling and enjoyable.
Fallon has proven to be a difficult place to live and work, the culture here is unreal. And I have had a very hard time focusing on what is important. I have become so numb to life here. I have never liked it here and therefore closed down and become very selfish. Work is very difficult emotionally and spiritually for me. And now I feel completely guilt ridden. I have let these little annoyance hinder me and subtract from what I have always felt was my God given calling - to help people.
This week I dealt with (blew off is more like it) a young girl who wishes to terminate her pregnancy. I was stunned when I first spoke with her, it caught me completely off guard. I asked if she would like to see ob/gyn for further information she stated no she just wanted to go to planned parenthood and "take care of it". She came in again today w/ questions, not wanting to confront the issue I took her to our clinical manager to have her questions answered. Tonight when I got home all I can think about is that she is making an uneducated decision and has no idea what she is about to go through physically, and emotionally and I didn't tell her. I didn't even ask if she has thought about adoption or why she might feel this is her only option. I failed first as a christian and second has a nurse ...
The most disturbing part is that God gave me the opportunity twice to speak with her and both times I slammed the door shut and now I have locked myself out and have no way of getting back in.
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